To the funeral and back again…

Well, here we go again…

To the funeral and back again…

Sometimes I envy people that shut their emotions out of their lives…

Thank god that most of the times I pity them for trying to avoid all this spectacular piece of life…

I hide this huge pain that feels like I’m going to break into a thousand pieces in the size of a matchbox.

It chokes me and still I am strong enough to hide it.

Strong enough to prevent it from tearing me appart.

“For how long?” Says she…

“For as long I need to decide that I’m ready to kill it.” Say I…

I know I’m going to kill it. I admit it every day.

But somehow killing it has become the easy way.

And therefore I avoid it.

Funny, it used to be the opposite.

You know the habit story.

It is never easy to give up a habbit they say…

Well it isn’t.

But sometimes…

When you really love a habit, you make it a part of you.

It is easier to kill it and move on.

Cut out what cripples you…

And evolve…

Easier than keep trying to live with it.

When your effort reserves to do that have dried out a long time ago…

So which decision is there to maintain some kind of guilt and which is there to cut out the guilt?

The fact is that there are decisions.

The other fact is that I refuse to take them.

Oh well it smells like hell… I hope it doesn’t last that long though!