Travel back home… seems sooner than expected as always when coming back from a pretty vacation. I’m full of new images from these days. Full of new scents and sounds. Full of family hugs and love. Full of relaxing sea view… if anyone can ever get enough of that sparkling blue sight. But the sea didn’t exactly swallow my troubles away this time. I thought it would. I thought it would all be clear on the way back from this trip. Instead I got a huge headache, a new piercing and dim eyes.
This is probably what happens when you kiss the roses goodbye instead of telling them to bloom for you.
I still feel what worried me for so long is stuck on me like an annoying gum. Only that it isn’t all over me like it was some time ago.
I think it is coming to an end. I could talk of upcoming eras and new beginnings but that is probably too cynical -even for me- right now. I am confused! Still confused and a huge coward, since I have known for too long what my heart is beating for, I have known for too long that I am only getting older by sacrificing my freedom and wants for desperate tries. Which started showing some results, when I started giving up on them. Or have I given up on them already? Confusion never ends.
Many people say that they can not believe or accept or even comprehend that I can be confused. Well I guess I am not so mighty after all fellows! I never believed otherwise you see. Only some moments are clearer than water to me. Only the moments that even the water tastes different.
Have you ever tasted that? Enchanted water?
This is more real than the statement “You are too wise and determined to be confused”
Off course I am not. I don’t think that there is a single being -given free will- that does not get confused. Unless the verb “decide” is unknown to it.
I guess I am reaching the land of the dead shells again. You know who lives in those dead shells? (Lyric permission, ha!)
How alive can you actually be in there, in all this concrete, surrounded by plastic and wires?
How can you not feel chained and imprisoned by all these walls and invisible fields of radiation invading your skin, your flesh, your brain… they even reach your heart and pass through you.
You are connected to one of them right now…
It seems so sad to me. The fact that I can not escape it seems even sadder though…